I’m registering online for physical therapy for my right shoulder, and they just asked me this question. “Stupidity” is the first thing that comes to mind, but I don’t think that’s the answer they’re looking for.
What Bothers You the Most?
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Category Archives: Humor
My 1987 Visit to the Golden Gate Bridge
(Photo credit: CNN.)
After my freshman year of college, in 1985-86, I dropped out of college (temporarily, as it turned out), and went hitchhiking around the Western U.S. during the next school year. (Important disclaimer: this is not a recommended mode of travel!) One of the highlights of these journeys was my visit to San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge. Having no car, I walked across this famous bridge, starting from the San Francisco side. It is an awesome landmark, with an incredible view. I stopped half-way across, and sat there on the bridge’s walkway for maybe half an hour, watching the waves in San Francisco Bay, as well as looking over the bridge at the Pacific Ocean. After sitting for that time, enjoying the view, I got up, and resumed my walk north, across the bridge to Marin County.
Months later, after returning home to Arkansas, I ran into statistics like these I just looked up, using Google: there were 31 suicides in 1976 from people jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, 24 in 1980, and so on. I wondered: how exactly did they know? Do they just count bodies that wash up on the shore, or is there a guy with a yellow legal pad and a pencil, in a small office at the base of the bridge, getting paid by the City and County of San Francisco to watch for, and count, jumpers? And, if there is such a guy, what was he doing when I sat in the middle of the bridge in 1987 for half an hour? Was he watching me with binoculars? Was he saying to himself, perhaps out loud, “I wish that jerk up there in the black t-shirt would make up his mind, already! Jump, or get off the bridge! I’m late for my lunch break, AND I have to go to the bathroom!”
At no point have I ever been suicidal, but I still laugh thinking about that hypothetical guy with the yellow legal pad. Dark humor is, in my opinion, the best kind.
Abraham Lincoln, on Elections
Image
Uh oh . . . .
“We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.”
[Visual produced using Stella 4d, which you can try for free here. Quote from Star Trek.]
The Feline Prison Reform Proposal
Hi _____________,
I hope they get a working tablet to you soon. I have a proposal for prison reform that I’d like to bounce off of you: kittens.
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We just got a new kitten, named him Bandit, and I tried to get a picture of him to send to you. Bandit (unless he’s eating) sits still for no one, though, so he ran around and around my open laptop while I took some pictures . . . and, as you can see, he “typed” part of this letter to you on each orbit around my computer. Apparently he likes numbers and punctuation marks better than the written word.
I’ll try attaching the pictures now. [Time passes . . . .] Success!
Bandit the Kitten, prior to takeoff, with JPay in view behind him:
Bandit the Kitten, launching into orbit:
Bandit the Kitten, at top speed:
Bandit the Kitten, finally slowing down, with debris stirred up during his chaotic orbit in view behind him:
So, on to my idea for prison reform: kittens! I’ve heard stories for years about prison cats, who sneak in, find places to sleep (under buildings, preferably), and start doing what cats do best: eating mice, rats and other vermin. It’s true that, as the saying goes, “There’s no such thing as a free kitten,” but this killing and eating of vermin is how cats pay the “rent,” so to speak.
Where there are cats, of course, there will soon be kittens — and by the time they venture out to places where prisoners could get to them, they’re fast. Really fast. Can you imagine an inmate chasing a kitten or a cat? It wouldn’t end well for the running prisoner, especially if he ran into other prisoners who had decided to adopt the cat being chased.
Those prisoners who mistreat cats or kittens would probably end up falling victim to prison justice — of one kind or another. The lucky ones would end up getting in trouble with the [state DOC]. The unlucky ones would, well, be dealt with in other ways.
While I gave brief thought to trying to mail a pregnant cat to the prison you’re in, I have decided against doing that. I don’t know how to successfully get cats or kittens to you. Does the [prison you’re in] have a suggestion box?
Your friend,
Robert
P.S. When I blog this, I’ll omit your name.
Mr. Big, the Cat, May Think He’s Going Somewhere, Because the Humans are Packing. We’re Off to Florida, But He’s Not Going.
I can’t tell yet if Mr. Big wants to help or hinder the process of packing, but he sure is in the middle of things. We’ll see when we finish packing, and then the sun goes down, and we head down to Mobile, Alabama (without cats), from central Arkansas. That will be a good place to crash before the second leg of the trip, to the Orlando area. We’re celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary (which was yesterday) with this trip.
A DoorDash Mystery
I can’t tell if that round thing in the picture our delivery driver texted to us is the Sun, shining through clouds, or the Moon. Either way, we didn’t want our DoorDash order left there.
Only Four More….
Trump was bad enough before, but COVID-19 has brought out previously unseen levels of brainless incompetence in the man. I have high hopes that Biden will win decisively Tuesday, without a long wait before the victor is known.
The “Dungeons & Dragons” Alignment System, Applied to Characters From the Pages of “Daredevil” Comic Books
This nine-part alignment system comes from Dungeons and Dragons, and these images come from various Marvel comics (although I found them with Wikipedia and Google-searches). All I did was place these nine characters into the nine D&D alignment categories — which was the fun part of making this chart.
Cat + Blanket = Cuteness
We’re in a global pandemic, without competent national leadership, and American society is tearing itself apart. However, at least you get to see this cute picture my wife took of Hexagon the Cat hiding in a blanket, right?
RobertLovesPi.net 