An Easy Way to Find a Better President

nine dice

  1. Obtain nine ten-sided dice, as seen above.
  2. Use them, one at a time, to generate nine random digits, in order.
  3. Check to see if a living person has that Social Security Number.
  4. If so, check to see if the person is eligible, under the Constitution, for the office of president.
  5. If they are, inaugurate them at once, before they have time to get away.
  6. If no president has yet been selected, return to step 2.

The chances of getting anything worse than what we’ve got now are essentially zero.

Mr. Trump, Please Get Some Sleep

sleep

Sleep is essential for good mental and physical health. It helps us heal when we need healing. I went to bed very early last night, and got all the sleep I need to do well at work today. I wish to suggest to our president that he do the same.

At least eight hours of sleep a night is healthy and helpful. Also, especially for a man in his seventies who is under a great deal of stress, long naps during the day can be a literal life-saver. In Mr. Trump’s case, the number of lives saved can be very large indeed.

To free up time for sleep, I have one more piece of advice for the president: limit yourself to one tweet per day.

The President of the “United States or America”

I just took this screenshot of a presidential tweet. It might get edited later, but this is what it looks like right now. He literally misspelled the name of our nation. 

POTUS

Which one is it, Mr. Trump? Are we the United States, or America? 

2017: The Year of Trump Dysphoria Disorder

Trump

“Dysphoria” is the antonym of “euphoria.” Exposure to facts increases your risk of developing Trump Dysphoria Disorder, or TDD. To avoid the pain and suffering associated with TDD, you may wish to avoid any media outlets which are not Fox News.