Today is Columbus Day in the United States. While I do not recommend actually doing this, the following would be a historically-accurate way to observe this day.

1. Break into the house where a family of your neighbors live.
2. Announce to this family that you live there now.
3. Kick the entire family outside, into the cold.
4. If you notice them shivering, make them feel better by sharing your religious beliefs with them.
5. If #4 does not work, use swords to put your former neighbors out of their misery.
6. If step #5 seems a bit too excessive, use this option instead, based on the actions of those who followed Columbus:  “help” your shivering former neighbors keep warm . . . by throwing some smallpox-infested blankets to them.

Obviously, regarding Christopher Columbus:  I’m not a fan. I therefore call upon the United States Congress to remove Columbus Day from our list of official national holidays.

[Image credit:  see http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/10/opinion/perry-columbus-day-what-to-tell-your-kid/ — this is where I found the image above.]