Today is Columbus Day in the United States. While I do not recommend actually doing this, the following would be a historically-accurate way to observe this day.
- Break into the house where a family of your neighbors live.
- Announce to this family that you live there now.
- Kick the entire family outside, into the cold.
- If you notice them shivering, make them feel better by sharing your religious beliefs with them.
- If #4 does not work, use swords to put your former neighbors out of their misery.
- If step #5 seems a bit too excessive, use this option instead, based on the actions of those who followed Columbus: “help” your shivering former neighbors keep warm . . . by throwing some smallpox-infested blankets to them.
Obviously, regarding Christopher Columbus: I’m not a fan. I therefore call upon the United States Congress to remove Columbus Day from our list of official national holidays.
[Image credit: see http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/10/opinion/perry-columbus-day-what-to-tell-your-kid/ — this is where I found the image above.]