“One Ordinary Screwdriver,” and Other Funny Stand-Alone Panels From “Calvin and Hobbes,” By Bill Watterson

This is one example of an unusual feature sometimes seen in Bill Watterson’s Calvin and Hobbes — a single panel from this cartoon can be presented alone, without being the punch-line at the very end, and actually be funnier, by itself, than the original full comic strip it came from. Here’s the full original comic from which the above image was taken. And yes, Calvin, it is amazing.

Here’s another example of a C&H first-panel-only cartoon being funnier than the strip from which it came. (Side note: also, it’s Saturday right now.) =D

Keep an eye on social media’s image-cycle as they bring this single panel up again every time Saturday happens. (I do my part with this.) The full comic strip is actually harder to find than the striking single panel.

Here’s one more — one of my favorites.

This single panel above is, to me, one of the funniest things ever created on the subjects of death and mathematics. Here’s the full strip it came from. Note that, in this strip, the stand-alone panel is the second one, rather than being the opening panel, as this pattern is usually seen in C&H.

This pattern didn’t dominate Calvin and Hobbes; it was simply an occasionally-reoccuring form which helped make the strip unusual, for most comic strips relied on a punchline at the end of the strip. Here’s an example of a different writing-pattern in the same strip which relies primarily on the entire sequence of events in the strip, and the way the panels interact as the strip progresses.

The single-panel-alone technique was used effectivelly by Watterson, but it did not dominate the strip, as was the case in a few other comic strips, most notably Gary Larson’s The Far Side.

Thomas Jefferson Visits the Bagel Shop

I handed over payment, and the bagel shop guy said, “Um, I don’t know if we take these $2 bills….”

The customer behind me laughed, and said just what I was thinking: “You have to take ’em, man — they’re legal tender!”

Why do I get $2 bills from the bank at every opportunity? Because I live for moments like this, that’s why!

[Image found here.]

I’m Now an Official, Registered Tea Critic

I’ve been a coffee drinker since I was 19, but have recently acquired a taste for this particular tea, as well, which is shown in the picture above, which I “screenshotted” from Amazon. After guzzling it for several weeks, I decided to look up reviews of it, and found them at (where else?) http://www.teacritic.com. I then registered, at that website, so that I could add my own, raving, review. It’s currently the top comment on this page: https://www.teacritic.com/tea/779/tension-tamer.html. You don’t have to follow that link to see my review, though, since I took a screenshot of it for this blog-post. (You can click on it to make it bigger.)

What I didn’t put in the review, though, was my method of preparing this tea, for fear I’d be branded a tea-heretic, on the tea-critic website. I will, however, describe my method here. I get a large mug — 710 mL (that’s 24 fluid ounces, for most Americans), and drop two teabags in the empty mug. I then fill the mug with cold tap water, stick it in the microwave, and “nuke” it for three minutes. As soon as I can drink it without burning myself, I guzzle it (the way I used to guzzle beer), throw two more teabags on top of the used two bags, fill it with water, and microwave it again. After drinking this four-teabag tea, I throw away all four teabags before starting the process over from the beginning. I don’t do this at work, for I don’t have time for all of that while teaching, but I do it, on “repeat,” when I’m at home, before or after work, on the weekends, and on vacation. (Right now, it’s “Fall Break” vacation in my school district, so I’ve been doing this all day.)

I am aware that you’re “supposed to” make tea by boiling water in a kettle, and then pouring the boiling water over the teabags in a proper tea cup, but (A) I don’t have the patience for that, for my way is faster, and (B) I get a kick out of doing things my own way, rather than the “supposed to” way. Also, (C) I’m not British.

Three cheers for Celestial Seasonings Tension Tamer Tea! (No, they didn’t pay me to write this — it’s an unpaid advertisement.)

Monday’s Holiday

Banks, the U.S. bond market, and the U.S. Post Office will all be closed on John Lennon’s birthday this year (Monday, October 9th).

What Bothers You the Most?

I’m registering online for physical therapy for my right shoulder, and they just asked me this question. “Stupidity” is the first thing that comes to mind, but I don’t think that’s the answer they’re looking for.

My 1987 Visit to the Golden Gate Bridge

(Photo credit: CNN.)

After my freshman year of college, in 1985-86, I dropped out of college (temporarily, as it turned out), and went hitchhiking around the Western U.S. during the next school year. (Important disclaimer: this is not a recommended mode of travel!) One of the highlights of these journeys was my visit to San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge. Having no car, I walked across this famous bridge, starting from the San Francisco side. It is an awesome landmark, with an incredible view. I stopped half-way across, and sat there on the bridge’s walkway for maybe half an hour, watching the waves in San Francisco Bay, as well as looking over the bridge at the Pacific Ocean. After sitting for that time, enjoying the view, I got up, and resumed my walk north, across the bridge to Marin County.

Months later, after returning home to Arkansas, I ran into statistics like these I just looked up, using Google: there were 31 suicides in 1976 from people jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, 24 in 1980, and so on. I wondered: how exactly did they know? Do they just count bodies that wash up on the shore, or is there a guy with a yellow legal pad and a pencil, in a small office at the base of the bridge, getting paid by the City and County of San Francisco to watch for, and count, jumpers? And, if there is such a guy, what was he doing when I sat in the middle of the bridge in 1987 for half an hour? Was he watching me with binoculars? Was he saying to himself, perhaps out loud, “I wish that jerk up there in the black t-shirt would make up his mind, already! Jump, or get off the bridge! I’m late for my lunch break, AND I have to go to the bathroom!”

At no point have I ever been suicidal, but I still laugh thinking about that hypothetical guy with the yellow legal pad. Dark humor is, in my opinion, the best kind.

Abraham Lincoln, on Elections

Image

Uh oh . . . .

“We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.”

[Visual produced using Stella 4d, which you can try for free here. Quote from Star Trek.]

The Feline Prison Reform Proposal

Hi _____________,

I hope they get a working tablet to you soon. I have a proposal for prison reform that I’d like to bounce off of you: kittens.

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We just got a new kitten, named him Bandit, and I tried to get a picture of him to send to you. Bandit (unless he’s eating) sits still for no one, though, so he ran around and around my open laptop while I took some pictures . . . and, as you can see, he “typed” part of this letter to you on each orbit around my computer. Apparently he likes numbers and punctuation marks better than the written word.

I’ll try attaching the pictures now. [Time passes . . . .] Success!

Bandit the Kitten, prior to takeoff, with JPay in view behind him:

Bandit the Kitten, launching into orbit:

Bandit the Kitten, at top speed:

Bandit the Kitten, finally slowing down, with debris stirred up during his chaotic orbit in view behind him:

So, on to my idea for prison reform: kittens! I’ve heard stories for years about prison cats, who sneak in, find places to sleep (under buildings, preferably), and start doing what cats do best: eating mice, rats and other vermin. It’s true that, as the saying goes, “There’s no such thing as a free kitten,” but this killing and eating of vermin is how cats pay the “rent,” so to speak.

Where there are cats, of course, there will soon be kittens — and by the time they venture out to places where prisoners could get to them, they’re fast. Really fast. Can you imagine an inmate chasing a kitten or a cat? It wouldn’t end well for the running prisoner, especially if he ran into other prisoners who had decided to adopt the cat being chased.

Those prisoners who mistreat cats or kittens would probably end up falling victim to prison justice — of one kind or another. The lucky ones would end up getting in trouble with the [state DOC]. The unlucky ones would, well, be dealt with in other ways.

While I gave brief thought to trying to mail a pregnant cat to the prison you’re in, I have decided against doing that. I don’t know how to successfully get cats or kittens to you. Does the [prison you’re in] have a suggestion box?

Your friend,
Robert

P.S. When I blog this, I’ll omit your name.

Mr. Big, the Cat, May Think He’s Going Somewhere, Because the Humans are Packing. We’re Off to Florida, But He’s Not Going.

I can’t tell yet if Mr. Big wants to help or hinder the process of packing, but he sure is in the middle of things. We’ll see when we finish packing, and then the sun goes down, and we head down to Mobile, Alabama (without cats), from central Arkansas. That will be a good place to crash before the second leg of the trip, to the Orlando area. We’re celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary (which was yesterday) with this trip.